use protection, fool

Some people choose to live under the false pretense that if you don't use it, you are destined to lose it.

Well, mostly false pretense.

If you consistently neglect to use deodorant, you will likely lose some friends.

If you simply to forget to use it one day due to unforeseen circumstances, maybe you snuggled with the snooze button a little too much or perhaps you played with your belly button for a little too long in the shower, well, that's bound to happen to anyone at some point. You won't lose friends per say, however you may notice friends keeping their distance as long as you walk around with your armpits unprimed. But that's okay once in awhile. Maybe you deserve some alone time to think about what you did.

Typically, you are a dedicated deodorant wearer. You actually tend to tend to your underarms as if each one were a delicate bansai tree. Perpetually pruning, unconditionally conditioning, nourishing them as if they were baby kittens. On this particular morning however, your morning regimen was disrupted. You were running incredibly late, and you only had the time to take care of the necessities. You shower quickly. You get dressed. You brush your teeth. You make sure you have breath mints in your pocket because you didn't really brush your teeth for all that long. You make sure all the lint is out of your belly button. You put the lint in the lint jar in your medicine cabinet. The lint jar is right next to the deodorant stick. But I simply just don't have enough time time to deodorize this morning, you write in the condensation on the mirror, in italics. You race into the kitchen. You grab a pop tart from the cupboard. You don't have time to toast it. That's okay. You've grown to enjoy them at room temperature. You take frozen hamburger patties out of the fridge. You've decided that you're having meats for dinner. You run out the door just in time to catch the bus. But you rushed to catch this motherfucker. And it's hot up in this motherfucker. You feel your armpits beginning to perspire.

Sitting at your day job, your armpit kittens are straight up dripping. You smell putrid. You swear to yourself that you will never let this happen again. You brainstorm how you can remind yourself the following morning. You look for red string to tie around your finger. No red string anywhere. You look down at your shoe laces. Black. Shit.

You see a stack of post-it notes. You take one.

You write down the important reasons why you should take the time to apply deodorant. You flip it over to the sticky side and write how you feel.

You look at the post-it. It stares back at you. You place it in your wallet. You feel it staring at your ass. You take your wallet back out. You remove the post-it note.

You look at it again. It hasn't blinked. You stick breath mints under your arms. They fall out.

You grab the post-it. You crumple it up. It's superfluous at this point. You know you'll never make the same mistake again. But then again, anything can happen during the hazy stupor that is morning. You are about to throw out the crumpled-up reminder. You stop.

You smile slyly to yourself. You lift up your shirt. You put the crumpled post-it note in your belly button.