Friday, February 22, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
the old man and the sea
Old man Phil lowered his binoculars and picked up the tube of sunscreen. He waited for the perfect moment.
Phil had been coming to this beach for 75-plus summers. Each time it was the same drill- Phil would park his car, and walk a mile to his favorite spot on the beach. The farmer's tan he donned as a result of sporting the same red speedo for decades, was probably permanent at this point. He was what the beach going folk liked to call a 'regular'. Most of the seagulls even knew him by name.
Whenever he was asked why he brought binoculars to the beach, he insisted that they were strictly for reading the banners that flew behind planes up above. This was a blatant lie, as Phil couldn't recall ever raising them above the horizon.
This particular day, as per usual, Phil had been babe watching all morning. Suddenly, from a distance, walking inland through the surf, he spotted what appeared to be identical twins sporting identical bikinis.
As they approached him, Phil saw that they were indeed twins. He squeezed a blob of SPF 90 onto his hands. When the lasses were in winking distance, Phil rubbed the sunscreen onto his leathery moobs, sensually, slowly. He flashed his pearly white dentures. The girls stopped and glanced at each other, then giggled.
"Any chance you ladies can help me apply this sunscreen to my back?" Phil chirped, "My arthritis is acting up again."
The twins were happy to help the old man out. Within minutes he had both of their numbers stored in his phone, and he promised that he would call the both of them if he ever had a fall and was unable to get up.
Ten feet away, two seagulls shook their heads in disbelief. Phil was a living legend.
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