Coinciding with the drastic advancement of television technology over the last several decades, the TV food technology we enjoy while fixated to the screen has graciously mimicked the same developmental curve. The standard that was was once grainy, 2D, and black and white is now defined as high def, 3D, in addition to coming standard with a magic wand with more buttons than the number of goosebumps on a cold Kardashian ass. What was once enjoyed as a four-course potpourri of your basic food groups, neatly segregated into their own compartments- has since amalgamated into bread-pocket form, capable of preserving unbearable molten hotness for the duration of a half-hour episode. While this may not seem to be a big ordeal when you are in full blown glazey-eyed zombie mode, don't tell the hard-working food scientists at Hot Pocket LLC that. Because it is. And even your grandpa knows it.
Stubbornly refusing to improve over the last 60 years ironically, is the technology of the microwave- the most crucial component in the eating-while-emotionlessly-entertained triad. With the exception of the "Swanson TV Dinner" button being replaced with the "Popcorn" button, microwaves still exist in their primitive form. This has left scientists with a catalystic constant in which generations of studies have been based upon. To microvent for a moment- scientists have identified the human genome, put a man on the moon, and cloned kittens, but heaven forbid you put a fork in the microwave you risk fucking up one of your most trusted household appliances, with nothing but guilty radiation rash to show for it. In addition to a Youtubey, potentially.
Society has grown to expect nothing less than the most up to date food technology when showing up for a TV dinner party. That being said, to offer a Swanson TV dinner to guests would be social suicide- only repentable by sticking your head in the microwave and pressing the "Ass Clown" button. In the day and age of Hot Pockets, Pizza Bites and flavor changing bubble gum, it is more acceptable to provide your guests with a self-contained entre infixed between microwaveable appetizers and dessert, than a faux four-course meal that needs both gasp, a spork and gasp, knife, hence, gasp, an apology.
Swanson may have revolutionized the microwave chef, however they also set the technological table for standards that even grandpa would nowadays demand.
Scratch the TV dinner. Opt for the T.G.I.Friday's Spinach and Artichoke Dip/Hot Pocket/Warm Delight combo instead. Commercial breaks were designed by the FCC for cooking up different courses. Years of scientific sweat and tears have been sacrificed to supply the general public with a fresh fusion of microwaveable flavors. Unless you are watching a movie Marathon on Lifetime, brought to you commercial-free thanks to a sponsorship from Swanson itself, in which an entire meal need be summoned in as few button presses as possible, take advantage of this exciting day and age where the TV dinner has evolved into la TV a la carte. If you are watching a Lifetime marathon, you probably have cats instead of friends. In which case a can of Friskies wet food will do.
If you were a cat friend, cloned or original, you would want the best. That means no dry food. If you were a human friend, the same can be said. That means no Swanson TV dinners.
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