Jack had been casually strolling down main street when he happened to pass an antique shop. He stopped whistling mid-melody. Something inside the shop caught his eye.
It wasn't an antique, mind you. It was the complete opposite- a dust-free and beautiful, living and breathing human female.
Jack took off his sunglasses and tucked them into his pocket. He reached into his back of tricks and pulled out some eye drops. After applying them to each cornea, he entered the store.
The bell above the door jingled as the door shut behind him. The lass he had been pursuing looked up. The two pairs of eyes looked at each other through a dusty prism of light coming in through the window.
Jack worked his way around the store. He made an effort to sniffle frequently. He slowly closed in on the girl.
"Is everything alright? Do you need help?" Jack looked up at the girl. She had an employee's name tag on. Katie.
"Hi, thanks, just looking," Jack began, distantly. He was careful to make his voice waver ever so slightly. "I'm just looking for something I c-can," he slowly began to choke on the fake pretzel of emotion in his throat, "something I can p-put my, something I can put my cat's ashes in. [SNIFF] She passed away this week and I promised that I would have her cremated and keep her ashes on her favorite windowsill."
Katie gently touched Jack's shoulder. "That is so sweet of you, I think I have just the thing for your cat, one moment," she disappeared into the back. Jack clenched his eyelids shut, squeezing out every last molecule of forced emotion.
Katie came back holding a small glass jar with a lid.
"I've lost a cat last year. I know how heartbreaking it can be. Here, this should work nicely." Brenda handed him the fragile antique.
Jack held the translucent receptacle in his hands. "Thank you, this is perfect. How much?"
"Take it, free of charge," Katie smiled.
"Wow, thank you," Jack sniffled, "a thousand times, thank you, thank you."
Kitty looked up at Jack. "What I miss most about my cat, was petting him." She slowly began petting Jack's arm. "Here, let me give you my number. If you ever feel the need to pet something, give me a call. I'm Katie. But you can call me Kitty."
He took the paper from the girl and smiled. "My name's Jack." The plan worked out even better than expected.
He waved goodbye and continued on his walk.
Jack had never owned a cat in his life. Not a problem.
He casually strolled into a magazine store and bought the latest issue of Playboy. He would read it, then burn it, and then fill his vintage urn with it.
Naturally, Jack was the sort of man who read Playboy.
