$h!t girls think

 

Maggie Perkins plopped herself down in the wild garden full of wild flowers to have herself a rest and a think.

I think that guys who wear Old Spice understand what I like. As she thought this, her eyes scanned over the wild grasses for any wild catnip. Her cats loved the ‘nip. She sighed.

I wish that my cats could understand me like those guys.

She sighed again, then applied simple logic. Her next thought was birthed almost instantaneously.

I think that if I spray my cats with Old Spice… they’ll better understand me as well!

Maggie finished thinking and flashed a teethy, teethy smile. She then got up to continue her never-ending search for more stray cats to add to her never-ending collection that was back at home. 

July 1966

July 1972

hello my name is Shari Lewis

Staying single is easy when you have a vest that makes you look like Lamb Chop. 

Little Red in the hood

Not long after the “incident”, Little Red Riding Hood ditched the little red getup, and switched to rugged denims. Not long after that she purchased a large caliber, double-barrel pistol, and passed her driver’s test.

Her grandmother had survived the vicious wolf attack, praise Jesus; however, while the little bad wolf lost his life that day, Little Red had lost her innocence.  As a result of the incident, the girl's daily life had been reduced to a never-ending state of paranoia. As a result of her incessant paranoia, Little Red now owned a large caliber, double-barrel pistol and had developed a decent shot.

She also owned a Dodge Charger, which was a result of her grandfather’s will. It had hefty V8 power.

Over the years, Little Red had remained close to her little wrinkled grandmother, who, in her geriatric state, was more needy than ever. Every morning, Little Red would pack a bunch of snacks into her Dodge Charger and deliver them to her grandmother’s bedside.

This particular morning, Little Red was running late for her Crossfit class. She decided to take a shortcut through the sketchy, ungentrified part of the woods. She loaded two bullets into her pistol, placed it in the glove compartment, and buckled her seat belt. She was paranoid. And she was running late.  

Little Red set out towards the dark hood of the wood.

TO BE CONTINUED MAYBE