Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Colt 44

Logan swirled the amber contents of the chalice around three times, then gently dipped her nose below the rim to analyze the beerquet. 

Her nostrils were immediately met by a malty aroma that exuded the most curious of sulphuric fragrances. The tip of her nose dented the beer's pillowed head as she inhaled the bursting bubbles of carbonation. The smell of hops was ubiquitous. She took a slow sip.

Logan coyly flashed a smile as she looked up from the glass, crinkling her nose. With her right hand she reached up and playfully removed her glasses. "I just had a completely unique experience," she stated seductively.

"Cut, cut, let's try that again," the cameraman said as he poked his head out from up above his camera. "You have foam all over your nose. Here, take this towel, clean off your schnoz, and let's try it again."

Four hours later, not much progress had been made. "Cutttttt" the director groaned dismally. They had already been through 43 takes and the young actress was clearly beginning to feel the woozying effects of all the cheap malt beverage sips.

"Ok we're going to try this ONE LAST TIME," the cameraman started. "Put some emotion into it, and try not to slur. I want you to experience the beer. Communicate telepathically with the beer. Connect with the beer. You two are soul mates. Give me some feeling, c'mon, you got this." The cameraman repositioned himself behind the camera. "Ready? Alright. Take 44. Aaaaaaand action." 

Logan swirled the cup around once more. Daintily, delicately. She closed her eyes and gently inhaled the beer mist that hovered closely above the frothy head. She took a teensy sip of the frosty brew. She savored it. She swallowed it. She opened her eyes and did that Colbie Caillat thing with her nose. She slipped off her glasses, turned her body to the left and looked over her right shoulder, straight into the camera. Her eyes conveyed a riveting display of desire and intensity.

"I just haved [hiccup] a completelyyy enuch, sexperience," she slurred. "And I haves to break the seal and feeds my cat," she stated sternly, drunkenly, "like, now." Logan reached into her purse and took out a cat clutching a loaded Colt .45 revolver, "So don't you even try and think about trying to think about trying to stop us." The cat fired a warning shot to show that it wasn't a pussy.

The cameraman ducked behind his camera and smiled. It wasn't Logan's best take by far, but it was probably going to go viral once somebody invented the internet and created Youtube. It was rumored that Youtube was going to love cat videos. 


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