Becky's teeth chattered uncontrollably as she reached into her purse for a tic-tac. The frosty wind whipped at her face with its unforgiving, spearminty breath. All she could smell was the cold. The only thing she could feel was numb. She looked across the frozen Canadian tundra and thought about how badly she wished she could tap her foot impatiently while she waited. But alas, she couldn't feel anything below her waist. For all she knew, her toes were already frostbitten off.
Her first date with Akiak had been perfect. Becky admitted that she had had her hesitations about going out on a date with an Eskimo at first, but by the end of the night, he had made her feel like an ice queen. Together they had harpooned for seals, made candles out of whale blubber, and she had even helpd Akiak polish his war club. Those were just fleeting memories now as she waited for him to show up for their second date. The whale blubber candle that once burned with passion and infinite potential on her nightstand now seemed to be nothing more than a ugly flaming stick of lard.
Standing there in the snow, Becky heard wolves howling in the distance. She made a mental note to herself that she would never again agree to go on a date with a man she met in the frozen food section of the supermarket. As she popped another tic-tac into her mouth she felt her phone vibrate in her bra strap. She struggled to read the text message. It was from Akiak. To her dismay it read:
"Out fighting the neighboring tribe, I'll text you after we kick their asses. Eskimos before hoes. Lolz."
Becky spat in disgust. No sooner had the saliva left her lips before it froze in midair. Out of her purse Becky took the freeze pops she had planned to give as a gift and angrily threw them on the ground.
Canada was really, really cold.
Canada was really, really cold.
